Okay first, I just want to say that this was a really difficult poll to write. Sorry I messed up the Dean in Heaven question. The option should say, "Shouldn't Dean' heaven be a bar?"
I'm not going to lie. My first impression was, "It could have been worse." I mean, a lot worse. I completely get why Jensen didn't like it when he first read it. That's not the way he/many of us thought it should be, and I am still trying to get over him dying and Sam being left alone. I posted on tumblr this morning:
Why is no one talking about the decades of grief, the decades of I can’t do it alone, yes you can, so he does. He puts one foot in front of the other. He gets in the Impala and he drives. He drives away from the bunker and never goes back. What made it home isn’t there. He doesn’t hit a dog because he has a dog. He has Miracle. Dean left him with that at least. A reason to live. He hunts. He sees Jody, the girls, Garth and family. Eventually, he does meet a woman. He doesn’t tell her much except that his brother died. Maybe she lost someone too. She doesn’t pry and he doesn’t say much. She lets him grieve and doesn’t make much of the nightmares and tears. Then, there’s a baby. They didn’t plan it that way but they love him. They name him for Dean, and he pours his love into the child. But even that, even this child that he would give his life for doesn’t fill the hole in his chest. Every night he locks the doors, checks the warding, and turns off the lights. Sometimes, he goes to the garage, pulls the tarp off Baby, and gets in the driver’s seat. He took her out one sunny day early on, but he did’t get around the block before he had to pull over, blinded by tears ... After that, he keeps the tags and insurance up but doesn’t take her out. He can’t go home because it is empty. Just like the bunker. He lives in a place he calls home, but it isn’t where the heart is. It isn’t that there isn’t joy in his life. There is. Laughter, smiles, pleasure and every single minute is bittersweet. All of it is tinged with longing and grief. He never tells a living soul that he longs for death or that he lives for someone else -- a promise that he has to keep and, yes, for them because he understands what is to lose someone you love -- but not for himself. His heart’s desire, home, is beyond the veil. Waiting.
Why is no one talking about this?
Dean goes to Heaven, goes for a drive, and bam! Sam is with him, but poor Sam ... I do see parallels to Dean living with Lisa and Ben. We can fill in the good times, the love, the keeping busy, but we know there is unbearable grief, nightmares (cause still traumatized, still a hunter). I also see the Amelia and Rowdy parallel except the Impala isn't wrecked and Sam already has Miracle. There is a lot of history there for the writers to lean on, and they need it because what they give us in that episode is very sketchy. One thing we can be sure of, I think, from Sam's history is that he isn't okay. He is strong and smart and he will do his best, but he isn't okay. And happy as he might be in any given moment, there is a huge hole in his chest where his brother lived.
And something that occurred to me as I was writing the poll is that question about why Dean didn't go see his mom and dad or anyone besides Bobby? Clearly, he was waiting for Sam? But why? Is he grieving? Is he lonely without Sam? I know Bobby said time passes differently in Heaven. Maybe it seemed like a short drive. Maybe Dean didn't want to experience anything without Sam. So he just drove ... kind of like Sam.
So, am I happy with this episode? It could have been worse.
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I'm not going to lie. My first impression was, "It could have been worse." I mean, a lot worse. I completely get why Jensen didn't like it when he first read it. That's not the way he/many of us thought it should be, and I am still trying to get over him dying and Sam being left alone. I posted on tumblr this morning:
Why is no one talking about the decades of grief, the decades of I can’t do it alone, yes you can, so he does. He puts one foot in front of the other. He gets in the Impala and he drives. He drives away from the bunker and never goes back. What made it home isn’t there. He doesn’t hit a dog because he has a dog. He has Miracle. Dean left him with that at least. A reason to live. He hunts. He sees Jody, the girls, Garth and family. Eventually, he does meet a woman. He doesn’t tell her much except that his brother died. Maybe she lost someone too. She doesn’t pry and he doesn’t say much. She lets him grieve and doesn’t make much of the nightmares and tears. Then, there’s a baby. They didn’t plan it that way but they love him. They name him for Dean, and he pours his love into the child. But even that, even this child that he would give his life for doesn’t fill the hole in his chest. Every night he locks the doors, checks the warding, and turns off the lights. Sometimes, he goes to the garage, pulls the tarp off Baby, and gets in the driver’s seat. He took her out one sunny day early on, but he did’t get around the block before he had to pull over, blinded by tears ... After that, he keeps the tags and insurance up but doesn’t take her out. He can’t go home because it is empty. Just like the bunker. He lives in a place he calls home, but it isn’t where the heart is. It isn’t that there isn’t joy in his life. There is. Laughter, smiles, pleasure and every single minute is bittersweet. All of it is tinged with longing and grief. He never tells a living soul that he longs for death or that he lives for someone else -- a promise that he has to keep and, yes, for them because he understands what is to lose someone you love -- but not for himself. His heart’s desire, home, is beyond the veil. Waiting.
Why is no one talking about this?
Dean goes to Heaven, goes for a drive, and bam! Sam is with him, but poor Sam ... I do see parallels to Dean living with Lisa and Ben. We can fill in the good times, the love, the keeping busy, but we know there is unbearable grief, nightmares (cause still traumatized, still a hunter). I also see the Amelia and Rowdy parallel except the Impala isn't wrecked and Sam already has Miracle. There is a lot of history there for the writers to lean on, and they need it because what they give us in that episode is very sketchy. One thing we can be sure of, I think, from Sam's history is that he isn't okay. He is strong and smart and he will do his best, but he isn't okay. And happy as he might be in any given moment, there is a huge hole in his chest where his brother lived.
And something that occurred to me as I was writing the poll is that question about why Dean didn't go see his mom and dad or anyone besides Bobby? Clearly, he was waiting for Sam? But why? Is he grieving? Is he lonely without Sam? I know Bobby said time passes differently in Heaven. Maybe it seemed like a short drive. Maybe Dean didn't want to experience anything without Sam. So he just drove ... kind of like Sam.
So, am I happy with this episode? It could have been worse.